Teaching Series

Ten Ways To Love – Speak Without Accusing

Scripture Reference:  (James 1:19, Amplified)

“Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.”  (James 1:19, Amplified)


Good day, and welcome to the second of 10 messages as we talk about our latest teaching series “Ten Ways To Love”.  I saw this, and I knew this was a series that God was going to want us to talk about. So far, we’ve only gotten through one message, and I believe it was pretty good. It didn’t get many likes, but that’s okay. Some times you just have to write whether it’s going to be popular or not…because it’s what the Holy Ghost wants to talk about.

So, as always believe with me for hearing ears and receptive hearts that will respond to what the Spirit of the Lord speaks to us today through the second message in this series.

Today’s Message: “Speak Without Accusing”:

Boy, I can already sense this message is going to push some buttons, but that’s why I have to really rely upon and wait for the anointing to write so that I’m not writing my opinion, but what the Holy Ghost wants me to write.  So, just keep in mind that if you are offended by what I’m writing…the Holy Ghost is the One that’s speaking here…and I’m just along for the ride.

This message is titled “Speak Without Accusing”…and I know that you’re probably wondering what in the world this has to do with how to love people, and that’s exactly what we’re about to find out and talk about.

I chose the Amplified version of this verse today because there’s many times that it will help me to dig deeper, and give a better understanding of where the Holy Ghost wants to go. So, I think it’s a good idea to repost the verse, and see where we go from there.

“Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.” (James 1:19, Amplified)

In the first message we talked about listening without interrupting, and in this one we are talking about speaking without accusing.  If you’re always accusing people of things then it’s a pretty good indication that you’re quick to take offense. 

Remember what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13? I suppose not, so let’s just go there and add that to our message, shall we?

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NLT)

I’d like to draw your attention specifically to when Paul writes that love “is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged”. You see, when you continue to hold past wrongs against people then you haven’t really forgiven them the way God forgives you, and you also aren’t loving them the way God loves you.

Think about it this way. If God forgave you the way you forgive what is it that He could constantly bring back up in your face. But Pastor Bryan, my husband has done this time and time again, and I just can’t trust him anymore.

Okay. What have you done over and over again that God has faithfully forgiven you for that He could have the same attitude you have?  What if you weren’t even doing anything wrong, and He just accused you of doing it anyways because it had the appearance of something you had done before.

That’s where this is going. Complete forgiveness means that you do like 1 Corinthians 13:6 says…keep no record of wrong doings.  I know it’s hard especially when it’s something that’s been done multiple times, but we have to learn to not store those things in our memory banks.

To borrow a phrase we have to learn to let offense roll off of us like water off a duck’s back. I understand that’s hard to do because of multiple similar offenses, but when we hold on to offense then it causes unforgiveness and bitterness in our hearts.  Once we have bitterness and unforgiveness in our hearts it has the effect that we read about in Ephesians.  What effect? Let’s read it in the Bible.

26) And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,

27) for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

28) If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need.

29) Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

30) And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.

31) Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.

32) Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

(Ephesians 4:26-32, NLT)

When we hold on to bitterness it gives the devil an opening to wreak havoc upon our lives. Have you ever held on to bitterness so long that whenever you see the person whom you’re bitter towards you can’t help but have an angry scowl on your face.  What else happens? There’s the ugly feeling in your gut, isn’t there?  There’s a phrase in I believe the “Love and Respect” book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs about having “Good guts towards your spouse.”

Let’s face it. We all know that bad guts feeling towards people don’t we, and it’s not limited to our spouses. It could be our parents, our neighbors, the checkout woman at the store, our co-workers, our boss, our friends, or our siblings.

This isn’t a message limited to spouses.  This is a message that’s bigger than just our marriages. It is important to take this message into your marriage, but this is about all of our relationships with the people we come in contact with or are in fellowship with.

When we hold on to bitterness it turns into anger which turns into rage, and when that happens it grieves the Holy Ghost, and by the time the anger has turned into rage…the Holy Ghost’s voice is so quiet that the only voice you can hear is the devil’s or your own chatterbox telling you that you have a right to be offended, you have a right to hold on to this anger, and you have a right to accuse them of wrong doing even when they’re not doing anything wrong because they’ve done it before…and it looks like it did when they did you wrong…so you need to save yourself and protect yourself by just accusing them of wrong doing anyways.

No. The devil is the accuser of the brethren, and if you’re constantly accusing people of wrong doings then you are on the devil’s payroll, and you need to get off it.

Friends, we have to learn to ask God…I mean really ask God to help us to over come this stuff because it’s hindering us in our walk with Him, and it’s hurting our witness to the world. When we’re so willing to accuse the people we love…how can it not be easier to accuse the people we don’t love.

That phrase expect the worst and hope for the best shouldn’t be used when it comes to people, but we use it against folk all the time. I’ve made it a goal of mine to always believe the best in people, and to always give people the benefit of the doubt…whether they deserve it or not.

I can honestly say that I don’t have anything that I hold against anyone. I’ve learned that hanging on to offense doesn’t do me any good, and that’s why I don’t hang on to it. It hurts me and my walk with God…and I’ve determined in myself that I don’t want ANYTHING including what you may have done to hurt me holding me back from having the relationship with God I’m meant to have.

I know it’s hard…especially when the person who hurt us is a repeat offender, but letting those things go isn’t about them…it’s about you and your heart.  If you let offense and bitterness build up in your heart than you’re drowning out the voice of the Holy Ghost, and before long the only voices you’ll hear are your own chatterbox and the voice of the devil.

I believe I’ll close this message here and give Paul the last word…

30)  And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.

31)  Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.

32)  Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

(Ephesians 4:30-32, NLT)

Let’s Pray:

Oh Lord, how hard it is for us to not hold offense or keep records of wrong doing…especially when those who wrong us are repeat offenders. Lord, first of all, we pray for those who have offended us to ask You to help them in their lives to overcome those things that they do to offend us. We plead the Blood of Jesus over their lives, and if they don’t know You we ask that You would lead them to someone they will listen to that will tell them about You.  You are the only One that can fix what’s broken in them. Heal them where they need healing, and help them where they need help. We ask this in Jesus’ name. We pray for ourselves, Lord.  Please heal our hearts of the hurt that these people who have hurt us have caused. Help us to understand they’re not hurting us on purpose, and help us to forgive them the way that You forgive us…and help us to love them the way that You love us. Lord our hearts are over burdened with emotional scars and hurts…some of those wounds are deep and have never really healed or they start to heal and they get scabbed over and they get ripped open again. Those are the deepest hurts that we need You to heal. We need You to reach into the deepest places of our hearts and heal them. Help us, Father, to learn to be kind to one another, to be tender-hearted to one another, to completely forgive one another…just as You forgave us through Christ. Heal our deepest wounds.  We ask this in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior…Amen and Amen.

The Final Word:

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be known as someone that’s on the devil’s payroll. I have determined in my heart that I am not going to hold on to offense, and that I’m going to make sure I love people by speaking without accusing them of anything…even if I have the right.

Remember. God is going to forgive us the way we forgive, and if you want the accuser of the brethren to be silenced…then we have to learn to silence the accuser in us…and we can only do that with God’s help. Amen!?!

God bless you and thank you for being a part of the Christlike Ministries NWA family. I truly love and am thankful for all of you.

Bryan J. Kizer
Pastor/Founder Christlike Ministries NWA

| m: (479)899-7853 | e: christlikeministriesarkansas@yahoo.com | w: http://www.christlikeministriesnwa.com

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